Thank you Spirit Trails

Ok to go

Sitting, watching your chest rise and fall, the oxygen being forced into your lungs. Knowing we promised no life support... and not knowing why the doctors did it anyway, against your written wishes. Knowing they will come soon and remove it. We will see if you stay or go. Staying with us or going to meet the rest of the family who have gone before.

Looking at your hands, knowing they picked me up as a child when I fell, comforted me when I was hurt. Remembering all of the meals you made. Watching them dunk your toast into your coffee. Those hands which painted pictures, sewed clothes, cooked, cleaned, wrote Christmas cards and wrapped presents. Holding a book while reading, playing solitaire. Remembering them playing the piano at Christmas while we all sat with our hot chocolate and sang songs.

Your nails were always pretty. You didn't garden or work in the dirt. I look at my broken nails from working around the yard, with the animals and wish I was more like you.

The doctor comes in, apologizes for the life support and asks us to step out. He opens the door a few minutes after and says you may come back in. Again, watching your chest rise and fall... but not as much. The whispered words, it is OK to go. I love you grandma...

Thankful for listening to that inner voice that said go and visit, take her somewhere she wants to go. Remembering the laughter we shared while picking cherries from the tree. Something you wanted to so we went. Spend time with her, I remember that voice from within, speaking to me. I wish my daughter or granddaughter would do that for me now.

But that was thirty seven years ago that I sat next to the hospital bed, holding your hand, watching that last breath come and go.

Pat

01:35 pm

040424

Smoothing Ragged Edges - B4

Grandma passed on November 19, 1986... this was just part of the healing memories.