Our darkness

Thank you Spirit Trails

It is easy to love our good sides. But the darkness we all have within and try and hide? Not so much. I figure if I can love my dark side, my light side will be easy.  

Thank you R.M. Drake

This plays into our dark sides.  Depression, anger, hurt, revenge or just not knowing what is making you feel so bleak, dark. It is ok to have these feelings. I think we all do at times. We just have  to make sure they do not take over. Keep moving forward if even for just a minute at a time. Find something to help you feel a tiny amount of joy or hope and it will grow. 

Thank you Imperfectly Simple

Thank you Tiny Buddha

Thank you Peace Love and Jesus
I have had it happen to me in the past, and again just recently. When I let go and tell myself "Let go and let God"... things happen. Then I must trust all will be as it should. Letting go of control is so hard, especially for any type of trauma survivor. We need control. We had none during that time of our lives and we need it after. No one will do what happened to us again. So really, letting go of any control is incredibly difficult. It is something I tell myself at least 20 times during an average day, let alone how many times on a bad day. 

You may want to try it and see what happens! It won't be something that happens instantly, but things will happen. You will see.

Have a wonderful Thursday and peace be with you today.

 Soulmates

Thank you Smoothing Ragged Edges

Soulmates are difficult to come across. I had one that was perfect. She knew me often better than I knew myself and totally accepted me. A very rare find. Unfortunately she passed on years ago. Some come close. I can understand if I were to find my soul mate as a partner and not as a great friend why it would last forever. 

Thank you My Day My Way

Not only are they not soul mates, they are hard often to consider them friends...unless you can agree to disagree on everything. Often it is more of an acquaintance friendship.

And then we have this one, where you need to listen to your soul. Those are the ones I avoid.  There is a reason. Sometimes it is that 'unsafe' feeling, sometimes it is what people call 'red flags'. Whatever you want to call it, listen to it. Be prepared to walk away.

Books. They are wonderful to take journeys and never leave the comfort of home. I am an avid reader. I always have been. I have walls of books and have gotten rid of more than I have left. I have also started rereading some of my more loved ones. 

I love this. The watercolor is simple but awesome, the sentiment... both parts are perfect. So for this Wednesday, take some time to sit quietly and be thankful.  Spread kindness if possible as well. Happy Wednesday!

Thank you PsychoBitch

There are definite days I get up and wonder that very thing. If I could just sleep all day, that would work. 

Thank you The Simplicity Habit

Thank you Spirit Trails

I have done that. Certain songs definitely still remind me of certain people. I hear songs now and put a different person to them than I did before as well.

Thank you Spirit Trails

Thank you Terry Hershey

Wishing you a terrific Tuesday!

 

Hope

The post is correct, at least for me.  Something simple will give me hope, inspiration. The big stuff is exciting and awesome, but then often the let down comes. Definitely the small things...

Thank you Heartly Simple

While this is true for the normal person, one who is much more empathic doesn't find the just the echos, they tend to take on emotions from others constantly. I have to stay closed or I am often flooded with emotions even from posts, music, just walking by someone I can catch vibes. Only twice in my life I have actively avoided someone because instead of receiving things, they were literally people who sucked the life out of me. Just meeting one person at a seminar had me running within a couple of minutes. I have never felt anything like it and hope I don't again. It was literally a draining experience and I just wanted to leave. The second one was not nearly as bad... Wouldn't be awesome if we could all see the auras that we give off? Haven't  you ever wondered why you are drawn to some and avoid others? 

Thank you Blessings JOY Gratitude

Thank you Spirit Trails

Thank you Spirit Trails

May your Monday be beautiful!

 

Asked to share a bio...

I started on facebook back in 2009. In 2012 I was so tired of seeing posts that didn't really mean much to me personally and I had been helping out a friend as an admin on their page. I thought, why put all of my energy into someone else's page when perhaps I can help others, and myself, heal by starting my own?  I decided to start Smoothing Ragged Edges then, promising myself to keep it positive and healing.  At that time I was living in Paris France since 1998. My husband was French.

Smoothing Ragged Edges
I am a sexual abuse survivor. 

My page was to promote healing and positivity to every type of abuse and neglect survivor out there. It has morphed into healing also for those from drugs, alcohol, PTSD and any other type of mental healing needed.

I also at that time started a 'fun page', to help myself to find joy and laughter. Once Upon A Time - PIP's Phoenix the page and PIP was born. It stands for Pat in Paris. 

In 2013 my husband passed away 3 months before his retirement kicked in and the date we were supposed to return to Michigan, where, I was born and raised. I lost my husband, home, friends and my adopted country in 3 months time. I returned to the family home and within 2 weeks had my mother with dementia living with me and an old friend with back/bone problems living here also. Both have now passed. But I managed to stay busy between that and taking care of the house, yard, garden, cutting/splitting wood, preserving food and honestly, running from the grief which threatened to consume me if I stopped running. This past November, I stopped running.

This blog was started March 1, 2013. It was hit and miss for years. Just this last fall I have tried to write daily in it. 

Talking with different friends, page owners, and sharing a bit more of my writing with them they convinced me my writing, what little I open up myself to do, was good enough to put on a page and share it. Thus...on Valentines Day, I created Smoothing Ragged Edges-B4. 

My writing comes easier in bits and pieces, small posts, as I have done for Smoothing. Now a bit more has come out. I have such strong walls and defenses I suffer from headaches after almost every longer writing. My mind does not want me to go back. 

I am very introverted, empathetic, considered as a bit of a hermit. I am fighting every step of the way to open up and learn who I am, where I can heal and trying to be more 'friendly'. 

Thank you for liking and sharing my pages...you are actually sharing a part of me from each of them.

~Pat

 

I'm Fine. 

I can't tell you how many times I have said I'm fine, totally knowing I am lying through my teeth but not wanting to admit I am not. How many of us accept it when others say it as well?  I have said at times, are you sure all is ok? You don't seem ok... other times I accept it because I am 'fine' also. It is difficult to deal with others pain/problems when you are not ok either. 

I have been taking time these last 3 months to start to try and deal with the loss of France, my husband, mom, and all of the others I have lost along the way. I am very good at avoiding dealing with grief, loss. When I first came back I was way too busy to deal with anything. Until this winter I have actually avoided dealing with my loss and grief. I kept busy enough to avoid dealing with anything that I didn't want to think about. I kept thinking if I did not deal with it, it would go away. Well, it gets easier at times but doesn't go away. I work with Smoothing daily, posting about healing, positive... and now am trying to deal with being alone, grieving, figure out what I want to do and how I am going to achieve it. It is way too easy for me to stay in my shell, my quiet life, work in the yard and garden and avoid people. 

Thank you Peace, Love and Jesus

Thank you Souls of Ones Feet
She also has a series that I want to get, she speaks her writing and it is relaxing, meditative and healing. I just have to wait for the budget to get a bit better.

Thank you Spirit Trails.
It is also doing the work. 

Today is Mass, so I will close this and get it posted. I have things to do and get ready to go.  Have a wonderful Saturday, enjoy your weekend!

 

Your mind...

Thank you Spirit Trails

It seems to be the theme we need to retrain our minds. Mine often runs away with me, not the other way around.  

Thanks PsychoBitchLou

This is going to be short day again today, as it feels between writing, creating posts, checking pages I am spending so much time staring at the screen and not getting a lot else done. Dishes are soaking and I have a reframing to work on today...

Have a great Friday!

A single thread of hope...

Thank you Spirit Trails

Hope is a very powerful emotion. The smallest amount keeps us going through the darkest days, even when we don't realize it is what it is

I don't know if it is fear or depression that keeps me stuck. But now and then a little spark, which I call hope, will create a new thought about what if I do...? Often I don't, but it is starting. 

Well, I am still going through life so I know after everything I have been through I know I am strong and a survivor. I also want to be of some good for others and try and be that one...

This post caught my eye this morning.  I will have to remember to ask myself that!

Indeed it does. May you have a blessed day today, the weekend will soon be upon us!

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