Smoothing Ragged Edges

Healing and Leaving People Behind.

Thank you Hey Bobbi Banks.

It does seem that as you heal and learn who you are under the hurt, you find where you are is not where you need to be. We seem to be drawn to those who are in the same place we are. I know for a long time I was drawn to 'survivors'. Others who had gone through something similar to myself. I did not realize it until attending a local Survivors of Sexual Abuse group. All of the people in attendance I could remember being drawn to, as of course I knew them all. That was a truly eye opening experience coming to that realization. How we know another has the same scars as we do without speaking is beyond my comprehension. But it happens in more ways than that. We shared a similar bond. But that bond does not make for a relationship. It does make for friends that grow together as each grows. But for the rest? The above seems very apropos. Something to think about when moving forward in your healing journey.

Your better days are coming. I have been doing a lot of thinking, looking back, looking forward... yesterday I painted a wall that I have wanted to do for a long time. Covering the old with new. Creating more of 'my' space. I am not totally sure of the color, but it is fresher, new and a welcome change. The old had been like it was for... 50+ years. I can understand in figuring out how long, why it was worn looking, dingy, giving the feeling of unloved. I am sure before I am done I will change more in that space. It has been slow coming. Little changes have been made during that time, but none made by me. You see, I have returned to the old family home. I grew up in this house. Like us, our surroundings seem to have their own story to tell. Are you listening or are you just redoing the look every few years without understanding what it is trying to say? Just like us. We change our clothing styles, hair style, colors of hair, cuts, weight up, down... but do we bother to look inside and see who we are there? What story we have to tell?

Not just those, but also grief, longing, regrets and general fatigue.

Thank you Trudi Jane.

I don't think I have said I am lonely when I am alone. I have said it to my significant other when with someone. How sad. I have also not gotten that response. I have gotten, "Why? You shouldn't be because...."

I tend to say should have died. There is no should. It is what it is. But in honesty it is because I am feeling totally separate from them. I think that happens in a lot of relationships. One ends up feeling left out, lonely. The communication has stopped. The affection has stopped. The togetherness is more habit than want to be with that person. It is comfortable, like an old shoe, it has been that way for years, it has become a state of taken for granted. In saying I am feeling lonely, there is something wrong, something missing... is a wake up call for everyone involved.

Thank you Spirit Trails.